OWL NEWS

Owl News 8 has recently discovered that Shehrez Chaudhri is planning on replacing our national anthem with “Gucci Gang” by Lil Pump.

 

Due to an error in communications within the Chaudhri Campaign, we accidentally received a transcript from one of Chaudhri’s internal policy development sessions. In the transcript, Chaudhri was quoted saying, “When I get elected, I will declare Gucci Gang by Lil Pump our new national anthem. The “Star-Spangled Banner” is so nineteenth century!”  

 

In order to confirm this story, we followed up with Chaudhri’s grandmother with whom he lives. When asked about Gucci Gang, she replied, “Oh! Don’t mention that wretched song to me, I already have to hear it fifty times a day when Shehrez blasts it. He knows every word.” His grandmother’s corrobation confirms Chaudhri’s obsession with this song and admiration for Lil Pump.

 

When asked about it becoming the national anthem, she noted, “He’s mentioned that to me before, yes.”

 

For those avid readers of ours not well versed in contemporary pop culture, “Gucci Gang” is a wildly popular song by American rapper Lil Pump. The song describes and glorifies illicit activities such as drug abuse and distribution: “They kicked me out the plane off a Percocet [...] Still slangin dope in the jets, huh.”

 

We at Owl News 8 are of the opinion that Chaudhri’s infatuation with “Gucci Gang” does not suffice as cause to abandon our famed ballad “the Star-Spangled Banner”. This seemingly uncharacteristic revelation about Mr. Chaudhri has raised questions of his true intentions. This could just be the tip of the iceberg. This creates a whole other side of our candidate that could be potentially incriminating to his campaign. Chaudhri’s values and honesty with supporters has now been called into question. Supporters and opponents alike are baffled by his disrespect and disregard for American traditions like our anthem.

 

Massive amounts of voters across state and party lines believe in American traditions and cherish our beloved national anthem. The Star-Spangled Banner reminds Americans of patriotism and excellence while Gucci Gang corrupts our youth with vulgar messages. Other lyrics of our potential new national anthem include:

“Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang

Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang (Gucci gang!)

Spend ten racks on a new chain”

And also:

“Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang (Gucci gang!)

Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang

Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang (Gucci gang!)”

 

While we do not know the full extent of Mr. Chaudhri’s ulterior motives, we do know that this discovery is sure to deal a devastating blow to the Chaudhri campaign.